I'm Sorry
"I'm sorry." I say these two words dozens of times every day. Even when things are not my fault or my responsibility, I find myself apologizing anyway. My daughter does poorly on a test? "I'm sorry sweetheart." Someone was rude to my best friend? "OMG . . . I'm so sorry!" My husband needs clean socks, but I haven't done the laundry yet. "Oh, crap. I'm sorry!" A student turns in late work and I don't get it graded fast enough. "I'm sorry. I'll do it right now!" Why am I apologizing for any of these things? Seriously!
I do this because deep down I feel responsible for the happiness of my spouse, my children, my family, my friends, and even my students all day, every day. When they have a bad day, a setback, or are just in a bad mood, I feel that my job is to help them feel better. If I can't help them cheer up, I feel like a failure.
While at its core, this is not necessarily a negative thing. Having empathy for others when they are hurt or sad is imperative for a healthy relationship. However, for someone with an anxiety disorder, we have to learn to not take responsibility for other people's emotions. We improperly hold ourselves accountable for things that we have no control over which causes our anxiety symptoms to worsen.
This diagram is a perfect quick reference to help you learn what you are responsible for and what you are NOT. I struggle with this . . . daily. I have had to learn to close a mental door when I start blaming myself for things I have no control over.
So, repeat after me. "It's not my responsibility to make everyone happy. Other people's emotions are not my responsibility."
It's extremely uncomfortable to sit with these emotions, especially when I need some emotional closeness and my loved one is withdrawing because of situations beyond my control. To deal with the "awkward" time, I suggest finding something you love to do. I often turn to writing, sewing, or watching Netflix. Anything that fills time and helps you feel good will work. I have had to learn to give people space to process their emotions and then, when they are ready, come to me. But, not to fix it. Just to be there to support and love them.
#searchingforsanity
#youremotionsarenotmyresposibility
I do this because deep down I feel responsible for the happiness of my spouse, my children, my family, my friends, and even my students all day, every day. When they have a bad day, a setback, or are just in a bad mood, I feel that my job is to help them feel better. If I can't help them cheer up, I feel like a failure.
While at its core, this is not necessarily a negative thing. Having empathy for others when they are hurt or sad is imperative for a healthy relationship. However, for someone with an anxiety disorder, we have to learn to not take responsibility for other people's emotions. We improperly hold ourselves accountable for things that we have no control over which causes our anxiety symptoms to worsen.
This diagram is a perfect quick reference to help you learn what you are responsible for and what you are NOT. I struggle with this . . . daily. I have had to learn to close a mental door when I start blaming myself for things I have no control over.
So, repeat after me. "It's not my responsibility to make everyone happy. Other people's emotions are not my responsibility."
It's extremely uncomfortable to sit with these emotions, especially when I need some emotional closeness and my loved one is withdrawing because of situations beyond my control. To deal with the "awkward" time, I suggest finding something you love to do. I often turn to writing, sewing, or watching Netflix. Anything that fills time and helps you feel good will work. I have had to learn to give people space to process their emotions and then, when they are ready, come to me. But, not to fix it. Just to be there to support and love them.
#searchingforsanity
#youremotionsarenotmyresposibility
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